Your Weekday Intention for February 2

Today, I will finally tackle what I have been putting off, empowered by the truth that the task ahead of me is never as great as the Power behind me.

This intention is about that task or project we have been dreading because we believe it’s too much for us.  Maybe it’s deciding to look for another job or starting that home improvement project or making that difficult phone call.  Each time you are reminded of it and turn away, the task becomes bigger through avoidance.  We often spend more time worrying about the task than it would actually take to complete it.

Stop yourself right now and call the task to mind. Then ask your Higher Power to give you the courage and strength to tackle it.  Move forward with it, knowing that the Power of universe will help you do what you are struggling to do on your own.  If there is absolutely no way you can begin today, then schedule it for a day no longer than a week out.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

I just recently posted the first Weekday intention.  The blog post is titled “The Power of Intention.”  Follow this link https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518  to get to the post where you can read more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will get you into alignment with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley, Life Coach

Here’s Your Weekday Intention for January 30

Today, I ask my Higher Power to help me accept life as it is rather than how I think it should be.

 

This intention has the power to bring peace and serenity to your day.  It is about accepting all the events and experiences that happen today as lessons for our ultimate good.  Even in things that we perceive as bad, we ask our Higher Power to reveal the lesson we need to learn through them.  This intention is about our openness and willingness to accept life rather than fighting to control it.   We remember that we can’t steer the river.

 

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 7 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them on WordPress or you can receive these automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button or enter your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

 

This last Friday I posted the first Weekday intention.  The blog post is titled “The Power of Intention.”  Check it out in the Reader for more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

 

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

 

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will get you into alignment with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

 

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

 

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up and you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley, Life Coach

 

The Power of Intention

If you don’t like how your day typically goes, then I highly recommend beginning it with an intention.

 

Starting your day with a written intention is one of the most powerful ways to give your day meaning and purpose.  It is a guiding principle that steers you through the day ahead.  It is not what you’re going to do but how you’re going to do it.  It’s a goal of who you want to be as you respond to the demands of your day.

 

If this concept appeals to you, then I invite you all to join me in starting each workday with a Weekday Intention that I will send you.  There are no strings attached.  Each intention is free for the taking.  The intention will be sent automatically to you Monday through Friday at 7 AM Denver time here in the United States.  To begin receiving your Weekday Intentions, simply go to blog.rjhandley.com and click to follow me or enter your email address in the form on my blog site.

 

I am confident that you will quickly experience the benefits that I have in your own life by living each Weekday Intention.  Life is tough.  I don’t hear many of my friends or my life coaching clients saying, “Life is too easy” or “I need more suffering in my life right now.”  But I do think that we can live life more consciously and fully than many of us are currently living it.  The truth is that we can drift in the sea of today blown about by the wind, or we can consciously steer our ship with intention.

 

Intention is one of the most powerful creative forces we have available to us.  It drives our aspirations.  And the power of intentions is supported by the current psychological theory called Behavioral Activation.  It states that the quickest way to change any self-defeating behavior is not to think differently but to act differently.

 

And intentions are all about action. Without action, the intention exists only as potential.  So we need to engage in the tasks ahead of us while using an intention to guide us.  The intention is not the person or task we are focusing our attention on but how we are focusing that attention.

 

Unlike affirmations that define who you are, intentions state how you want to live your life today.  Affirmations usually begin with the words, “I am…” whereas intentions usually begin with “Today, I will…”  A typical affirmation would be “I am a positive person.” An intention would be “Today, I will praise others for their progress and forget their failings.”

 

My Weekday Intentions grew out of my need to maintain my sobriety from alcohol and drugs.   But they can be used by anyone. In my spiritual life coaching practice, they have become a source of inspiration for clients who are contending with issues like depression, anxiety, trauma, negative habits, relationships, grieving and loss.

 

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

 

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will get you into alignment with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

 

Here is the first Weekday Intention:  Today, I will see the Divine in all people and feel it in myself.

 

*Note:  I’m publishing this blog with the above intention at 12 noon—the usual time I publish my blog.  But I will be sending out all subsequent Weekday Intentions at 7 AM Denver time while still publishing my After the 12 Steps blog at noon on Fridays.

 

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

 

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

 

Whenever you feel yourself tightening or stressing during the day, pause and take some breaths and then state your intention to yourself. This will re-align you with your Highest Self and with your Higher Power.

 

Checking in with yourself before bed can really be a powerful way to close out the day.  This can be done in two simple steps: First, cast your mind over the day and find the events that you are grateful for.  And second, honestly look at how well you did in honoring your intention by finding specific examples in your day.

 

On Monday, I will post another Weekday Intention here on WordPress.  Again, if you would like these automatically sent to your email, go to blog.rjhandley.com and click to follow me or enter your email address.

 

We change the world one person at a time beginning with ourselves.   Thanks for joining me.  Please drop a few lines in the comment section of this post to share the experience you had with this first intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Kind Regards,

RJ Handley

Spiritual Life Coach

Relationships and Early Sobriety

Relationships with other people are one of life’s greatest challenges, especially for those of us new to recovery.

 

This is the reason why we learn in AA to avoid romantic relationships during the first year of our recovery.  Although establishing them may be one of our greatest achievements in recovery, the challenge of an intimate relationship is too great for us in our fragile first year.

 

Many of us have returned to the dumpster of addiction because we ventured into romance before we were ready. Recovery is as much about getting healthy as it is about getting real.  By getting real I mean facing the sources of our pain and misery.  For years—even decades—we have shielded ourselves from pain through drugs and alcohol.  The beauty of pain is that it provides the catalyst for change.

 

When that pain reaches a critical threshold, non-addicts summon the courage to finally change their ways.  For the addict, however, the pain that would normally provide transformation is numbed out by alcohol and drugs.  That is why—if we are being truly honest with ourselves—we addicts are all emotionally immature.

 

Bill Wilson was acutely aware of this.  In “Emotional Sobriety,” published in a 1958 edition AA Grapevine, Bill W. confides in us about his demands for approval, prestige, and security from others.  “Since AA began, I’ve taken immense wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually.”   It took Bill W. nearly 20 years after his last drink to face the pain and suffering these demands caused himself and others.

 

By denying our pain, we have denied our own growth.  So how can we take on the ultimate life challenge—intimate relationship—when we lack emotional maturity, the very thing that makes relationships work?   And how can we be truly intimate with another when we have never been emotionally intimate with ourselves?

 

The answer is the AA meeting.  For many of us, we walk through the doors of AA for the first time very alone in the world.  If our friends and loved ones haven’t washed their hands of us, then we have done the job for them through isolating, one of the addict’s favorite defenses against pain—and growth.  One of the greatest gifts of AA comes from meetings. They are the classrooms for emotional maturity.

 

In them, we discover the power of connection.  We come to the truth that we can’t stay sober on our own.  But this discovery is the easy part.  Then we must do the heavy lifting.  And that is clearing away all the stones we have put in the wall between us and other people—to finally be vulnerable.  Without vulnerability, people cannot connect with us. Without connection, we cannot experience deep relationship, which is ultimately the source of all our cravings.

 

Yes, vulnerability involves heavy lifting. But we get the help we need in meetings when AA veterans show us through their sharing what vulnerability looks like.  And it is a thing of absolute beauty.

 

This modeling of vulnerability gives us the confidence to do the same in meetings.  And if we can be vulnerable in meetings, we can be vulnerable in our relationships outside meetings.  But before we venture into the advanced coursework of intimate relationship, we must get the practice in connection and vulnerability we need with the friends we meet in the classrooms of AA.

 

Incentive powers personal growth.  One of the greatest incentives is relationships.  And for good reason.  They are the fastest path to personal growth.  Other people are mirrors that show us how we are playing in the world.  Those mirrors reveal to us the blind spots that have created so much division within ourselves and between ourselves and others.  These blind spots are the reason we have continually stumbled on our path to emotional maturity.  Bill W. learned this lesson in his own life.

 

So we need to heed the advice of our AA elders to chop wood and carry water during our first year of recovery.  Through the 12 Steps and the friendships we form in AA, we develop the emotional tools we need to finally become successful in the ultimate challenge of our lives.

 

And the sublime beauty of intimate relationship is the ultimate payoff for all the blood, sweat, and tears it took to embrace it.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Kind Regards,

RJ Handley, Life Coach

The Letter that Revealed Bill W’s Dependencies

One of the most influential reads in my early recovery was Bill W’s “Emotional Sobriety.”  Published in a 1958 edition of the AA Grapevine, Bill writes about his battles with dependency. This time it is not about dependency on alcohol but dependency on approval, security, and prestige.

These dependencies, as Bill reveals in this letter, created much suffering in his life. “Since AA began, I’ve taken immense wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually,” Bill admits in this powerful letter.

Nearly two decades after the publication of the Big Book, “Emotional Sobriety” allows us again to spend time with the man who Time magazine recognized as one of the 100 most influential people of the 20th Century.

And little wonder.  Empowered by his own wounds, this is a man who led from the front and walked the talk that would save countless millions from the debilitating despair of addiction.  In “Emotional Sobriety,” Bill W. lives the values that he preached in the Big Book: honesty, humility, faith, and service.

In this letter, Bill speaks of the impossible expectations he held for himself and others that led to his severe bouts with depression. Torn between his unconscious “fears, compulsions and phony aspirations” and the spiritual awakening of the 12 Steps, Bill agonized over why the program didn’t work to release him from his own depression.

Finally, according to this letter, his answer came to him one day as he stared at a line from the Prayer of St. Francis:  “It’s better to comfort than to be the comforted.” Suddenly, in an epiphany, Bill realized the problem.

“My basic flaw had always been dependence—almost absolute dependence—on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like.  Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression,” as he says in the letter.

From his spiritual development and the “Grace I could secure in prayer,” Bill found that he would experience little joy unless he could cut away these “fatal dependencies.”

“Plainly, I could not avail myself of God’s love until I was able to offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me.”  As long as false dependencies gripped him, Bill understood that the glimmer of emotional maturity and adult love would elude him.

In the light of this truth, Bill recognized that emotional stability came from offering love to the drunk stranger on his doorstep while demanding nothing in return.  Expectations, he discovered, are premeditated resentments.

“If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent demand. Let us, with God’s help, continually surrender these hobbling demands.”

Only then, he says, can we be set free to live and love.  Only then are we able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety.

As Bill confronted his dependencies, his letter encourages us to do the same.  “Emotional Sobriety” is really about clearing away the obstacles that stand in the way of our emotional health, our conscious connection to God, and our service to the still suffering addict.

So you can experience the entirety of this two and a half page letter, I encourage you to locate a copy of “Emotional Sobriety” online.

As a recovering alcoholic myself, I will be forever grateful to God for choosing Bill W. as spokesman for addiction issues.  To me, the Big Book is a masterpiece, not only because it provided the first published pathway for recovery but also provided us with a truly exemplary guide who we meet again in this letter.

May you also find emotional sobriety.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Kind Regards,

RJ Handley, Spiritual Life Coach

The Glories of Gratitude

I first heard the phrase “develop an attitude of gratitude” in an AA meeting I attended in my first year of recovery.   My immediate reaction was “Isn’t that sweet.”  Then I dismissed it as one of those pathetic AA expressions.  Even though alcohol had totally kicked my ass Rodney King style, I was still carrying around with me this false bravado that placed me above gimmicky expressions.

Then, a few days later, I heard my sponsor say that he was “cultivating an attitude of gratitude.”  I stifled a gag and thought, “Hell, they’ve gotten to him to…although I like his word choice better.”

Here I am nine years later cultivating an attitude of gratitude.  What the hell happened to me?  Sobriety.  It works wonders—even on fools like me.  Yep, I’m kinda a gratitude junkie now.  I even got my girlfriend using now.  Before we turn off the lights at night, we take turns saying our gratitude out loud to each other.  I get a body rush of good feelings hearing each other go through the day, honoring the things that our Higher Power had blessed our lives with.

Gratitude softened me to life and strengthened my connection to it.  I was sleeping better and walked through my days with a heightened sense of appreciation.

About a month into it, the control freak in me raised its condemning head.  Alcoholism may really have a genetic link.  I thought of my drunken ancestor staring gloomily into the cavefire growing more and more irritated with his tribal homebuddies.   (In the picture above, my tribal ancestor is on the far left.)

“How long is she going to go on tonight?  That’s her seventh gratitude.  She’s like a gratitude relay runner who never passes the baton.”

With the patience that 10 years of sobriety can bring, I said to her, “You know, it might be better to just keep our gratitude to our top three for the day.” Realizing that I was sabotaging what I had created (What a surprise for an addict!), I decided to soften my comment with, “That way we can…uh…go into a little more depth.”

Fortunately, by the grace of God, I have been blessed with a girlfriend who laughs easily about herself and has taught me to do the same.  Just after the “more depth” comment, we both burst into laughter.  Yes, one of my most enduring gratitudes is for her.

Bill W. spoke of gratitude in the 12 x 12 suggesting a “genuine gratitude for blessings received and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we shall seek.”

Many times Bill W’s name has come up in my gratitude.  It’s like a verbal hug to Bill and to all my fellow travelers who have helped to “relieve me of the bondage of self.”

If you don’t already set a time aside during each day to practice gratitude, consider Bill W’s words.  Consider spending a few minutes in gratitude with your partner before turning the lights out.  Life can become pretty chaotic.  When it does, my girlfriend and I occasionally need to remind ourselves of the commitment we have made to each other by saying, “Let’s do some ‘tude.”

If you’re a single traveler at this point in your life, try writing in a gratitude journal before lights out.  When life grows dark, it will be a great way to realign your thoughts and heighten your awareness of just how blessed your life really is.

Well, night night to you, my fabulous fellow travelers.  May your path be illuminated by the radiance of God’s grace.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Kindly,

RJ Handley, Spiritual Life Coach

Recovery Step 13

 

As you know from my post titled My Story, I owe my life to AA.  Its fellowship was like a loving hand that lifted me out of the deep trench I had dug with my blackout drinking.  Because of AA, I now have 10 years of sobriety.

To me, the Big Book is an inspired masterpiece.  Yet, Bill W. never intended it to be the last word on spirituality and personal growth.

Nearly two decades after the publication of the Big Book, Bill W. wrote the letter “Emotional Sobriety,” published in the AA Grapevine.  In it he says, “Since AA began, I’ve taken immense wallops…because of my failure to grow up emotionally and spiritually.”

It’s clear that Bill W. realized that the Big Book did not hold all the answers to overcoming our malady.

As with the tornado metaphor in the Big Book, Bill W. understood we can never clean up the ravages of our character defects if we remain unaware of the psychological issues that continue to wreak havoc in our relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God—even after working the 12 Steps.

He foresaw the need for a spiritual psychology to carry us beyond the “spiritual awakening” mentioned in the 12th Step. In response, we now have writers like Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, and Ram Dass whose words are like an inspired friend walking beside us, informing us of the empowerment of self-discovery.

The Big Book awakened us from the big sleep of our addiction.  Now, in recovery and attuned to consciousness, we continue on the path of spiritual and personal growth.

In my journey down my own path, I have read widely from the works of spiritual sages.  With their encouraging presence, I have turned to face my own dysfunctional thoughts and behavior patterns that created seeming insurmountable obstacles to my own happiness and potential.

Through this blog, I will be honored to share some of the insights and lessons I have learned that will help you to experience more moments of bliss on this earth.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Kindly,

RJ Handley, Spiritual Life Coach