Your Weekday Intention for February 22

Inspire yourself with today’s intention!

Today, I will respond rather than react to life. 

This intention is about changing how you answer life’s challenges.  Often times, when we experience adversity, we have an automatic or reflexive way that we react.  It’s usually based on “fight or flight”.

Think about the way that you react to adverse situations.  Do you pause and allow your higher mind time to form a thoughtful response or is it a knee-jerk reaction?When we become self-aware of our reactions, we can change those behaviors so that they produce a healthy response.

Today, pause when faced with something threatening so that you’re not just reacting.  Take a few breaths and calm yourself, then think of way that you can respond thoughtfully and calmly.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for February 21

Start your day off right with today’s intention!

 Today, I will trust God’s guidance.  As I am liberated from my own doubt and fear, my presence will automatically liberate others.

This intention is about the power of trust.  Trust is the essence of faith.  When we trust God and have faith that God has heard our call for guidance, we can show up at our job or in our role with the confidence to make important decisions without doubt or fear.  That confidence so often dispels the doubts and fears of our friends, family, or colleagues who depend on us.  So through the power of trust, all those in our life today can benefit.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for February 20

Today, when I am fearful, agitated, or in doubt, I will pause to ask my Higher Power to inspire my thoughts, my words, and my actions.

This intention is about seeking guidance.   We all have moments in the day that we feel fear, doubt, or agitation.  Despite these feelings, our jobs or our roles require us to take action.

Today, pause and take a few breaths to allow yourself a moment to quiet your mind.  In this brief stillness, ask your Higher Power to inspire your thoughts, words, and actions.  Then trust that your Higher Power will work through you for the course of action that will create the best possible outcome.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Spiritual Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for February 19

Start your day off right with today’s intention

Today, I commit to my own happiness rather than looking for others to make me happy.

This intention is about emotional dependency on others.  When we expect others in our life—friends, family, colleagues—to make us happy, we are tasking them with something that is not their responsibility.  That’s not to say that we don’t share in another’s happiness.  Shared happiness is one of the delights of friendship.

The bottom line is that we do the work of becoming aware of what is making us unhappy, so we can experience the joy of what this beautiful life has to offer.

Take some time today to investigate the roots of your unhappiness or seek out the help of a life coach or therapist to help you with this.  Seize this opportunity to commit to your own happiness.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

 

Your Weekday Intention for February 16

Today, I gather strength in knowing that God enters through the wound.  I do not help others despite being wounded but because I am.

This intention is about the realization that from our deepest wound comes our greatest gift.   Psychologist Carl Jung said that “God enters through the wound.”  What Jung was saying is that through the pain of personal crisis we open ourselves to the work of Spirit.  Our breakdown creates the opportunity for a breakthrough.

As we heal the wound through self-awareness, we can use that awareness to help others who are still suffering.  Those who have been in the trenches now can extend a hand to those who are still in the trenches.  See if you can identify what your deepest wound is and know that you have a unique ability to help those who still suffer from the same wounding.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for February 15

Today, I will ask my Higher Power for the courage to commit to doing what I have been avoiding.

This intention is about overcoming fear.  So often we let the critical, fear-producing thoughts in our head prevent us from doing the things that are most important to us.  Today, commit to action.  Ignore the thoughts.  If what it is you are committing to is motivated by love, then your Higher Power will work through you to accomplish the task.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for Valentine’s Day

Today, I will outwardly express the love I feel to all those I have been blessed to have in my life.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  This intention is about acknowledging to our loved ones how grateful we are to have them in our lives.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for February 13

Today, I will empower those around me by praising their progress and forgetting their failures. 

This intention is about choice.  We can choose to focus on other people’s failures or their successes, on their weaknesses or their strengths.  The choice is ours.  Author and businessman Dale Carnegie said that the best way to positively motivate is to “give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”  We empower people to change when we become their ally and see the best in them.  Try this out on someone in your own life today.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

 

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

Your Weekday Intention for February 12

Today, I will begin healing my pain by confiding in someone I trust and owning my part in my suffering.

This intention is about the power of friendship to help us heal our pain.  It is also about accepting personal responsibility for the choices we have made that have created more suffering in our lives.   As long as we blame others for our pain and suffering, we don’t have to do anything to change.  However, we give away our power in blame because it means that other people are in control of how good or bad our life is.   When we accept responsibility, we reclaim our power over our own lives.  This morning, think about a trusted friend who will listen as you empty your heart of pain.  When sharing, take responsibility for your own part in your suffering.   You will feel a tremendous relief.

For those of you joining us for the first time, I am posting a Weekday intention Monday through Friday at 6 AM Denver time.  You can receive these as I post them automatically in your email by going to blog.rjhandley.com and clicking the follow button and entering your email address.   Please join us in changing the world one person at time beginning with ourselves.

 

Just recently, I posted the first Weekday Intention.  I included it in the blog post that was the introduction to all the Weekday Intentions that follow.  It’s titled “The Power of Intention.”  If you would like to read it, follow this link: https://wordpress.com/post/blog.rjhandley.com/518 “The Power of Intention” post provides more about the philosophy behind intentions and how they can change the way that you respond to life at work, at home, and at play.

 

These intentions have helped keep me attuned and connected to God’s power, love, and way of life. I created them based on my studies of authors such as Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Bill W. and others who are recognized masters of spiritual psychology.

 

Starting your day with the Weekday Intention is a great way to boot up with the spiritual software that will help connect and attune you with your Higher Power. You will then find that your Higher Power responds to the intention by working within your environment and circumstances to support your intention.

 

Here’s how to activate the inherent power of each intention:

  • Before beginning the workday, find a quiet place to sit, free from distractions.
  • Let go of “doing” and focus on “being.”
  • Ask your Higher Power for the power to live your intention as fully as you can, knowing that each intention is something that you can do today that will improve who you are and bring about the best outcomes for all those you come in contact with today.
  • Breathe.
  • Place your hand on your heart and connect with yourself.
  • Say the intention to yourself until you can feel its power within you.
  • Ask your Higher Power to help keep you aware of and committed to each intention throughout the day.
  • Begin your workday.

Again, go to my blog and sign up so you will automatically receive your Weekday Intention.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

Happy Intentional Living,

RJ Handley

Life Coach

How to Tell Safe from Unsafe People

Relationships are one of life’s greatest challenges.   We all struggle with them.  Even  healthy relationships can be difficult at times.

This is especially true for people who are in recovery from abuse, addiction, depression, or trauma as they begin again to reach out for companionship.  Yet healthy or safe relationships are an essential element in reconnecting and participating in life.  They can provide the healing and growth necessary for a purposeful and meaningful life.

 

Regardless of where we are in our own relationship readiness and health, we need to remain alert and cautious about the people we are letting into our lives, especially if we are just getting back on our feet.

 

In their book, Safe People, authors Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have come up with 10 ways for you to determine if the people in your life are safe or unsafe for you.

 

  1. Unsafe people think they “have it all together” instead of admitting their weaknesses.

For a period of time, you may admire the person who seems to have it all together.  But as the relationship continues, you may come to feel weaker or inferior to this person.  You may even become dependent on this person.   As you begin to see this person’s “togetherness” as a facade, you may become angry or even hostile towards this person or grow tired of being the open and vulnerable one in the relationship. Unless this person can get real, it may be best to pull away.

 

  1. Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.

These are the people who use religion as a means of feeling superior to others.  They seem to have all the answers. These people may also be critical of you for the mistakes and errors of judgment that are a part of being human.  Spiritual people, on the other hand, are authentic and genuine about their own shortcomings and problems.

 

  1. Unsafe people are defensive instead of open to feedback

“All close relationships hurt, because no perfect people live on the earth,” say Cloud and Townsend. But the safe people are the ones who have a genuine desire to improve themselves.  They are open to feedback and “own” their own bad behavior. Unsafe people deny, minimize, or blame others when their own issues arise.

 

  1. Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble

Unsafe people will never identify with others as fellow human beings because they see themselves as above others.  Generally, they judge and condemn those they deem less worthy.  Safe people are humbly aware of their own issues and are forgiving of other people’s.

 

  1. Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior

You know these people well.  Often, they apologize for a behavior but that behavior continues to surface time and again.  They may be quick to apologize for a mistake but over time you become aware that they do so only to get back into your good graces rather than committing themselves to the change that would make the problem go away all together.  Apologies are often stated as “I’m sorry but…” rather than “I’m sorry and…”

 

  1. Unsafe people avoid their problems instead of facing them

Problems and the pain they cause us are sure signs that there is something within us that needs to change.  When we face our issues rather than avoid them, we can make those changes that make us more emotionally mature and skillful.  Unsafe people look away from their pain and problems.  As a result, they are frequently emotionally immature. And because they lack awareness of their issues, they “act out of their unconscious hurts and hurt others,” according to Cloud and Townsend.

 

  1. Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it

Anger is often the response of unsafe people when their trustworthiness is called into question.  Regardless how that anger is expressed, the unsafe person is essentially saying, “How dare you question my integrity!”  Safe people recognize that “none of us is above questioning, and to take offense at it is prideful,” say Cloud and Townsend. Unsafe people are generally insecure and so when a behavior or action is questioned, they become defensive or confrontational.

 

  1. Unsafe people believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults

According to Cloud and Townsend, “Unsafe people are on a mission to prove that they are perfect.  Using their work, family, abilities, or religion, they try to project an image of perfection, and their image becomes more important than the relationships they are in.”  Love, trust, and respect are the benefits you experience when you can admit and own your faults.  Unsafe people can be hurtful because they will “fight, blame, and point fingers” to maintain their delusion of perfection.

 

  1. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility

As long as they blame other people for their problems, unsafe people do not have to do anything to change themselves.  Instead, they expect all those around them to change. Denial is favorite defense mechanism for unsafe people.  They have convinced themselves that things are not their fault. When pressed to take responsibility, they often lash out.

 

  1. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth

Does anything more need to be said here?

 

 

What I believe are valuable about these 10 traits of unsafe people is becoming aware of them not only in other people but also in our selves.  Certainly, we can never become too safe.  When working with my life coaching clients, I value the opportunity to help them become safer people as I also increase my own awareness of what I need to work on to become safer myself.

 

I suspect that we can identify some unsafe behaviors that Cloud and Townsend may not have been aware of when they published this book.  Let’s increase each other’s awareness by sharing these examples of unsafe behaviors.  Please add those to the comment section below so we can all benefit from your observations.

If you would like to work one-on-one on with me concerning an issue that is robbing you of your happiness such as depression, anxiety, relationships, negative thoughts, or esteem, contact me.  I’m at rjhandley.com.  Google my name if you’d like to find out more about me.

RJ Handley, Spiritual Life Coach